Grief

I’ve been very aware of grief, my grief, in recent months. Not only because of my mother’s death, but also because of the support I experienced at work in the immediacy of that situation, because of the sense of community I have experienced in various groups I am part of and because of new and deep friendships I have been graced with. While the latter may seem unlikely partners of grief, for me these situations have highlighted the ache of the lack of a sense of belonging and connection I have felt in earlier times in my life. So here is a poem about grief – and what can happen when I remember to turn towards it and feel it, rather than trying to avoid or escape the pain of it.

Grief

With no-one around
Nowhere to go
Nothing to do,
But some work
For which the focus
Is all but
Totally
Shredded

Mind
Heart
And body
Have a field day
With restlessness
Agitation
Circling thoughts
With longing to
Feel connected
With shame
Popping into
The ring
Once more

Finally,
Many hours
Of distraction
And discomfort
Later,
Something
Wakes up:
Let me FEEL
What’s going on….

What tumbles
Out and
Into my space
Are the deepest
Saddest
Feelings of
disconnection
Isolation and
Loss
Along with the
Deepest
Saddest
Tears…

And longing
For being held
And held
And held
Some more..
Warmly
Lovingly
Safely

For being seen
And welcome:
My fragile
Little
Self

Feeling
The sorrow,
The sore
Raw
Emotion
Of loss
And grief

In wave
After wave,
Rolling in
Swirling
Crashing
Sucking back
At the core
Of my life..

Until they
Slowly
Slowly
Diminish
Reduce..
Relinquish
Their power

Until
Finally
Softness
And stillness
Land and
Find their place
On fine
Warm sand
On a calm
And present
Shore
Once more

Feeling seen
Held
And welcome

4 thoughts on “Grief

  1. Pauline Baker

    Just beautiful and painful and close to my own experience of grief that visits from time to time. Thank you for being able to express your /our feelings in such depth and compassion

    Like

    1. Thank you so much for your response, Pauline. Feeling very relieved to receive it – to know that this resonated with you. I felt so vulnerable posting this poem. At first it was just the poem, and I took it down again almost immediately. Then I wrote the intro / context and it felt ok to put it back – I wanted to share it because the process I allowed myself to go through was ultimately deeply life-giving and transformative.

      Mindfulness practice at its most challenging and fundamental!

      Thank you again.

      Like

  2. Pat Neuwelt

    Marlies, Pauline’s comments are my own. This is beautiful…you really name something that I now understand to be ‘longing for the intimacy that is already present, between myself and Divine Love’… So much of my life experience feeds into my grief…that softening into it, and acknowledging it, seems to be a really important process for allowing me to ‘live with my grief’ rather than be overwhelmed by it. Thank-you for your courage in re-posting this!

    Like

    1. Thank you so much, Pat.

      Yes that was my experience too: when I got to the end of this process I had a real sense of already ‘having’ what I was / am longing for, in a way that can’t be ‘got’ from anything outside of myself.

      Like

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