What does it take
to form a new
life’s work
by feeling my way
into making
new connections
in social,
environmental
and neural
networks..?

What does it take
to create
a new
life’s work,
after so many years
of running familiar
circuits
of toeing the line
being drawn by
an establishment,
a replaceable
element
in a lumbering
hierarchy of systems
and things?

What does it take
shaping
a new
life’s work
by facing
a never ending
maelstrom of
determination,
fear, excitement
inspiration,
feelings of
incompetence,
insignificance, purpose,
overwhelm, trust..
energetic impulses
fizzling out into
blank nothingness,
then again
an unmistakable,
unwavering
sense of
support from within
and knowing
from beyond
my everyday world?

From feeling a bounce
in every step
to dragging my feet
through the treacle
of a dread of failure
From feeling carried by
angels
to deadened
by a leaden
blanket of
inertia,
especially
especially
when awake
for hours
in the middle of
the night?

So long
it’s been calling,
beckoning
whispering me along
like a siren
through the mists of time
and life,
an abiding presence,
irresistible
in the end..

I could not
have imagined
what it would take,
how long it
would take me

still here I am,
step
after wavering
quivering
yet exciting
step
creating
the path,
by slowly
walking it,
cheered on
by friends,
creating
a new reality
by gingerly
living it,
in a world
that’s feeling
crazier,
that’s calling
more urgently
that’s looking
more beautiful,
day
by day.