Great Mother

In the cauldron
of 2020
under stress
from remnants of grief,
from all things covid,
uncertain, changeable,
cut off at the knees
from everything familiar

under stress
from looming environmental disaster,
from exposed predators in toxic
systems,

under stress
from called out white
privileged power
and fragility,
and from stowaway bedbugs,
AND a litter of cute baby
mice suddenly
running “amuck”
in my house (to top
this little
package off)…

under the weight
of this….
blow after
ongoing shake-up,
the dragon of old trauma
awakens,
revealed by vapours
emerging from the deep..
volcanic bubbles of
irritability,
anger
even an occasional
geyser of rage
spouting into the daylight,
bursting through
the care-fully,
tightly, woven cloak
of compassion and kindness,

this serpent of secrets
no longer invisible and hidden
in the depths and privacy
of the mind
no longer only known
in embarrassment
shame and
guilt…

It’s in this great mix
of life at this time,
that the Great Mother
arrives at my door
unbidden,
announces herself

a persistent presence,
demanding attention,
inviting me
to extend
a wholehearted, full
and warm welcome
to her love, care and kindness,
generosity,
her creativity and passion,
and…

to extend
the same
wholehearted, full
and warm welcome
to the power
of her devouring
and serpentine sharpness,
fiery fury
her seductive and
destructive powers

showing me,
urging me
to beckon it all in,
becoming one seen,
respected and
welcome
transmuted
integrated whole,

creating
bit by bit
an unstoppable
harnessed
creative force
for good


20/07/2020

Coming home

Stepping out
into a balmy late
autumn night
the air
and the earth still moist
from the day’s
rain,

I’m stopped in my tracks

I can almost taste
the sweet, rich,
earthy scent
all around me,
alive and present again
to my afternoon’s garden work
         hands covered in soil
         sprinkling a web of
         home-made magic
         compost
         over and around every
         bed and tree,
         rain in my hair,
         part of the elements
         in my element!
         dusky, darkening light
         nudging the day along,
standing outside my back door now
my body knows
it’s done what it is meant to do.

Finally
the earth around my
feet and in my heart
is singing,
its joy
accompanying me
home

A cloud is back

An ‘unwelcome back’
to a cloud upon waking,
in this topsy-turvy
lockdown time..
but this time you
try to stop seeking explanations, finding reasons,
healing pain.

Give it space
Let it rest, while
it takes you by the hand,
if you are still enough
to notice
that fleeting glimpse,
just caught it
in the bathroom this morning,
just then..
 
It takes you on a breath
to the place,
to this moment
when you know
the running has to stop,
when answers don’t cut it anymore,
when you know that even looking for answers is
looking in the wrong direction.

This is the time for questions.
Questions taking you all the way
to the place of your deepest
not knowing
Questions taking you to the place
where you know
that you are
One.
From where
  you will know
        the only
               one step
                      you need
                            to take
                                    right now

Welcome back
to this cloud of unknowing


14/05/2020

Once again

Once again
The moment dawns:
There’s no escape.
No way
To distract
To flee, to struggle,
Strive,
To justify, explain
To soothe or smooth
The dazzling truth
As large as life itself
Just hiding under
a blade of grass
In full view
On the wide open field*

How many more times
Will you need to land
Here
With a thump
As if it was the most
Startling new realisation?

This life is clearly
Not one of a
Swirling
Social butterfly
Wishing to draw in the
Followers to
Create hyper
Abundant
Status
Wealth and
Admiration

This life
Your life is to
Be found
In the earth
in the stardust
Right under and
Part of
Your feet

This life is
Learning
Loving
What the soft animal
Of your body
Loves**


03/05/2020

*in memory of my childhood best friend, who did and said exactly that in a game of hide and seek (after I had not been able to find her)

**with gratitude and reference to Mary Oliver’s poem “Wild geese”

Lockdown Hues

Doors closing
Closed
Everywhere
Inside, outside, between
Even the open ones
Not seen

A hush settles
On the landscape
It soothes
The frantic
Toxic pace of
Life as it was

It settles
My inner space
Like a welcome reprieve
Relief
Refuge for a while
Finding a restorative
Rhythm
More in tune with
The natural
Order of things

Brain slowly
Starts tuning in
Then suddenly
Turning into
Long-haul flight mode
In limbo, blank
Seemingly little bumps
Take on
Treacherous
Proportions

A random procession
Of soundbites
Sightbites
Lack-of-human-touch-bites
Abandonment, not-met-bites
Passing through
The system in holding mode
Fluffing up
Reactions
Like feathers
In a breeze
Rolling pebbles in a stream
An occasional
rumbling boulder in a flooded
Waterfall

Pause..

Come to ground
Start again
Once again
Start close in
Sit

Listen

Be still

Listen
With everything
You have
Feel the silence inside
The silence outside
And know
No boundary
Know
To take the first step
Only

Take the first step only if
It follows
Your heart

(With deepest gratitude to David Whyte whose poetry helped me to land, to touch down once again
in the one
And only place
From where I can
Take a new step
Into a new world
Each one
New moment
At a time)

18/04/2020

Sometimes a dream

Sometimes
Try as I might
Words
Do not come
In searching to find
A different story
My sore heart
Wants to hear

Sometimes
Try as I might
No new images
Shimmer on the horizon
To end a rough
Unexpected
Wild water ride

Tugging at me
Maybe
The only way through
Is to surrender –
While under my breath,
Very quietly,
Still inviting support from
Another, any, realm

Sometimes
Relaxing
Resting
Giving into a nap
At the bach
At the beach
Drifting into a slumber..
A dream
Bursts onto the scene
Seemingly about another
But the message is clear

Sometimes a dream
Is what it takes
To set me free

8/1/2020

Trees

In the middle of a
Small patch
Of remaining
Native forest
In the foothills
Of the mighty
Ruapehu
Ngauruhoe
And Tongariro
On our blustery
Snow
Hail and
Rain-blessed
Walk

I allow
The sparkling clear
Crisp
Oxygen rich
Air
To explode into
Every
Cell of my
Being

Refreshing
Cleansing
Healing

Noticing
The trees’
Wholehearted
Consent
Cheering me on

I get the
Message
This needs to be
About more
Than me
Restoring
Myself

🌱🌳🌿🍀🌲🍃🍂🍁🍄🌏🌍✨🌈🐝🐛🐌🐞🐢🐠🐳🐅👭👨‍👩‍👧‍👦👩‍👧🌊🏝🗻🏞

Bedtime story

Tonight
A caring
Offer of a
Bedtime story
Arrived at my
Soul’s
Weary door
It floated
Like a delicate
Shimmering
Bubble to
Where I
Sat
Barely breathing
Allowing
The sweet words and
This most
Tender gesture
To land softly
In a heart
That hadn’t been
Touched
Like this
Before

29/08/19