An ‘unwelcome back’
to a cloud upon waking,
in this topsy-turvy
lockdown time..
but this time you
try to stop seeking explanations, finding reasons,
healing pain.

Give it space
Let it rest, while
it takes you by the hand,
if you are still enough
to notice
that fleeting glimpse,
just caught it
in the bathroom this morning,
just then..
 
It takes you on a breath
to the place,
to this moment
when you know
the running has to stop,
when answers don’t cut it anymore,
when you know that even looking for answers is
looking in the wrong direction.

This is the time for questions.
Questions taking you all the way
to the place of your deepest
not knowing
Questions taking you to the place
where you know
that you are
One.
From where
  you will know
        the only
               one step
                      you need
                            to take
                                    right now

Welcome back
to this cloud of unknowing

14/05/2020

Once again
The moment dawns:
There’s no escape.
No way
To distract
To flee, to struggle,
Strive,
To justify, explain
To soothe or smooth
The dazzling truth
As large as life itself
Just hiding under
a blade of grass
In full view
On the wide open field*

How many more times
Will you need to land
Here
With a thump
As if it was the most
Startling new realisation?

This life is clearly
Not one of a
Swirling
Social butterfly
Wishing to draw in the
Followers to
Create hyper
Abundant
Status
Wealth and
Admiration

This life
Your life is to
Be found
In the earth
in the stardust
Right under and
Part of
Your feet

This life is
Learning
Loving
What the soft animal
Of your body
Loves**

03/05/2020

*in memory of my childhood best friend, who did and said exactly that in a game of hide and seek (after I had not been able to find her)

**with gratitude and reference to Mary Oliver’s poem “Wild geese”

Doors closing
Closed
Everywhere
Inside, outside, between
Even the open ones
Not seen

A hush settles
On the landscape
It soothes
The frantic
Toxic pace of
Life as it was

It settles
My inner space
Like a welcome reprieve
Relief
Refuge for a while
Finding a restorative
Rhythm
More in tune with
The natural
Order of things

Brain slowly
Starts tuning in
Then suddenly
Turning into
Long-haul flight mode
In limbo, blank
Seemingly little bumps
Take on
Treacherous
Proportions

A random procession
Of soundbites
Sightbites
Lack-of-human-touch-bites
Abandonment, not-met-bites
Passing through
The system in holding mode
Fluffing up
Reactions
Like feathers
In a breeze
Rolling pebbles in a stream
An occasional
rumbling boulder in a flooded
Waterfall

Pause..

Come to ground
Start again
Once again
Start close in
Sit

Listen

Be still

Listen
With everything
You have
Feel the silence inside
The silence outside
And know
No boundary
Know
To take the first step
Only

Take the first step only if
It follows
Your heart

(With deepest gratitude to David Whyte whose poetry helped me to land, to touch down once again
in the one
And only place
From where I can
Take a new step
Into a new world
Each one
New moment
At a time)

18/04/2020

Sometimes
Try as I might
Words
Do not come
In searching to find
A different story
My sore heart
Wants to hear

Sometimes
Try as I might
No new images
Shimmer on the horizon
To end a rough
Unexpected
Wild water ride

Tugging at me
Maybe
The only way through
Is to surrender –
While under my breath,
Very quietly,
Still inviting support from
Another, any, realm

Sometimes
Relaxing
Resting
Giving into a nap
At the bach
At the beach
Drifting into a slumber..
A dream
Bursts onto the scene
Seemingly about another
But the message is clear

Sometimes a dream
Is what it takes
To set me free

8/1/2020

Pastels in all manner
Of soft pinks blues yellows
Paint the sky
Ahead above around me
Eyes awash
Heart already open
Softer still

4/11/19

In the middle of a
Small patch
Of remaining
Native forest
In the foothills
Of the mighty
Ruapehu
Ngauruhoe
And Tongariro
On our blustery
Snow
Hail and
Rain-blessed
Walk

I allow
The sparkling clear
Crisp
Oxygen rich
Air
To explode into
Every
Cell of my
Being

Refreshing
Cleansing
Healing

Noticing
The trees’
Wholehearted
Consent
Cheering me on

I get the
Message
This needs to be
About more
Than me
Restoring
Myself

🌱🌳🌿🍀🌲🍃🍂🍁🍄🌏🌍✨🌈🐝🐛🐌🐞🐢🐠🐳🐅👭👨‍👩‍👧‍👦👩‍👧🌊🏝🗻🏞

Tonight
A caring
Offer of a
Bedtime story
Arrived at my
Soul’s
Weary door
It floated
Like a delicate
Shimmering
Bubble to
Where I
Sat
Barely breathing
Allowing
The sweet words and
This most
Tender gesture
To land softly
In a heart
That hadn’t been
Touched
Like this
Before

29/08/19

Traveling the distance
To lay to rest the
Last remains of
The only person
In this whole
Wide full world who
Ushered me
Into the life
I had to..
struggle
To learn
How to
Surrender to
How
to live
Myself

I wish to
Pause
Reflect
I wish
To cherish
And honour
Farewell
The dust
Of your bones..
The only material
Thing
Remaining
Of that wave
that particle
or whatever it was
That was your embodied
Life

25-06-19 / 07-07-19

When all is said
And done
And ‘shared’,

When the day comes that you see so much of it is just another thing filling your mind and your diary, then
it’s time to pause…

Finally you see
There’s only
One thing
left to do

Just
To be

Show up
Fully
Human

Vulnerable
Fallible
Scared
Longing for something
Just beyond
Your reach
Hopeless maybe
Hopeful

Then go
Smell the roses
Grow (y)our veges

CONNECT
Making (y)our world
A better
More loving
And cared for
Place
With every
Single
Step
You take

This morning
Life
Is shining bright
In a moment
Of seeing
A different
Reality:
This is Not
A landscape
That I walk,
Jump, skip
Or drag myself through,
From one moment to the next
From one day
To another year
On a journey
From here
To there

Life is
Just one moment
Of living
Or dying
Of opening
Or closing
To what’s passing
Through
Me

No journey
No travelling through
Only potential
To welcome
Or fight..
To love
Or fear
the colourful
Palette of
Feelings, thoughts, sensations
Experience
Connections
Relationship

Potential
To live this
Very same
Eternal
Moment
Of awareness
From an
Ever deepening
Ever widening
More joyful
More loving
And compassionate
Presence…
Over
And over
And over
Again

Life
Simply circling
Through
An ever
Present sense of
Me

6/04/19