Traveling the distance
To lay to rest the
Last remains of
The only person
In this whole
Wide full world who
Ushered me
Into the life
I had to..
struggle
To learn
How to
Surrender to
How
to live
Myself

I wish to
Pause
Reflect
I wish
To cherish
And honour
Farewell
The dust
Of your bones..
The only material
Thing
Remaining
Of that wave
that particle
or whatever it was
That was your embodied
Life

25-06-19 / 07-07-19

When all is said
And done
And ‘shared’,

When the day comes that you see so much of it is just another thing filling your mind and your diary, then
it’s time to pause…

Finally you see
There’s only
One thing
left to do

Just
To be

Show up
Fully
Human

Vulnerable
Fallible
Scared
Longing for something
Just beyond
Your reach
Hopeless maybe
Hopeful

Then go
Smell the roses
Grow (y)our veges

CONNECT
Making (y)our world
A better
More loving
And cared for
Place
With every
Single
Step
You take

This morning
Life
Is shining bright
In a moment
Of seeing
A different
Reality:
This is Not
A landscape
That I walk,
Jump, skip
Or drag myself through,
From one moment to the next
From one day
To another year
On a journey
From here
To there

Life is
Just one moment
Of living
Or dying
Of opening
Or closing
To what’s passing
Through
Me

No journey
No travelling through
Only potential
To welcome
Or fight..
To love
Or fear
the colourful
Palette of
Feelings, thoughts, sensations
Experience
Connections
Relationship

Potential
To live this
Very same
Eternal
Moment
Of awareness
From an
Ever deepening
Ever widening
More joyful
More loving
And compassionate
Presence…
Over
And over
And over
Again

Life
Simply circling
Through
An ever
Present sense of
Me

6/04/19

That day
Our dream-world
Shattered
Fellow women
children, men
Fellow human beings
In their most
Naked vulnerability
On their knees in worship
Blasted
Ripped
Torn
From their lives
Our lives

All of life
In paradise
Suddenly
Seen with
Bewilderment
Incomprehension
And searing
Heartache…
This stark
Reality
Now under
A heavy blanket
Of grief
Upon grief
And disbelief

No words

I can’t find any

In response
To the multiple
Layers
Of injustice
That these acts
Of hate
And racism
That these acts
Of white western
Normative
White privilege
Colonialist
Attitudes
Are making
Visible
Palpable
Undeniable

Deepest gratitude
And love
For the words
And actions that
Our leader
Shared,
That fellow kiwis
Heard
And followed
With an outpouring,
That so far
Shows no sign
Of abating,
A sea of
Love
Solidarity
Support
Protection
Welcome
Togetherness
Determination

Yes

Let’s DO this
Let’s keep doing this
Let’s recognise
Let’s uncover
Let’s make
The deepest
Commitment
To start healing
All gaping holes
Of injustice
And despair
In our society
With every
Single
Human interaction
With every
Single
Action
With every
Single
Step
We take
Each one
Of us
Every day

Let’s do this
So our people
Didn’t die
So our families
Our communities
So this fabric
Of our society
Didn’t get ripped apart
In vain

24/3/19
One week and two days after 15/3/19 Christchurch NZ

Imagine
This new
Inner compass:
Kind, gentle, conscious
Simple yet powerful words
Everything changes

02/03/19

(With deep gratitude for the ongoing conversation that inspired this)

Our little family is complete
Once more
The traveller’s slid into the warm bath
Of home
Deep delight writ large on her face

A stop at Piha, to keep jet lag in tow
A few wild rides on the waves, grateful for the surf rescuers on voluntary duty
In the rough and messy sea

The new abode and garden admired with glee and thrill
Then it’s down to business getting the barbie underway

Lighting and tending the charcoal,
Chopping, oiling, chatting
Lounging on the deck
Home-made cider lauded, sipped
Sharing stories
Re-connecting

Vegan sausage sizzle white bread
Tomato sauce and charred veggies
The order of the day
Onion-flavoured watermelon slices and
Bliss-balls a fitting finish

The pure joy of
Just hanging out together…
Family, on an ordinary Summer afternoon

17/02/19

I’ve been very aware of grief, my grief, in recent months. Not only because of my mother’s death, but also because of the support I experienced at work in the immediacy of that situation, because of the sense of community I have experienced in various groups I am part of and because of new and deep friendships I have been graced with. While the latter may seem unlikely partners of grief, for me these situations have highlighted the ache of the lack of a sense of belonging and connection I have felt in earlier times in my life. So here is a poem about grief – and what can happen when I remember to turn towards it and feel it, rather than trying to avoid or escape the pain of it.

Grief

With no-one around
Nowhere to go
Nothing to do,
But some work
For which the focus
Is all but
Totally
Shredded

Mind
Heart
And body
Have a field day
With restlessness
Agitation
Circling thoughts
With longing to
Feel connected
With shame
Popping into
The ring
Once more

Finally,
Many hours
Of distraction
And discomfort
Later,
Something
Wakes up:
Let me FEEL
What’s going on….

What tumbles
Out and
Into my space
Are the deepest
Saddest
Feelings of
disconnection
Isolation and
Loss
Along with the
Deepest
Saddest
Tears…

And longing
For being held
And held
And held
Some more..
Warmly
Lovingly
Safely

For being seen
And welcome:
My fragile
Little
Self

Feeling
The sorrow,
The sore
Raw
Emotion
Of loss
And grief

In wave
After wave,
Rolling in
Swirling
Crashing
Sucking back
At the core
Of my life..

Until they
Slowly
Slowly
Diminish
Reduce..
Relinquish
Their power

Until
Finally
Softness
And stillness
Land and
Find their place
On fine
Warm sand
On a calm
And present
Shore
Once more

Feeling seen
Held
And welcome

Trusting you, trust me,
Is an inner place of peace
Safe, soft, open heart

Finding words
That capture
The essence
And beyond
Of experience
Lets
Boundaries
Limitations
And constrictions
Evaporate

Sometimes
As if
In a puff of smoke

Sometimes in
Gradually
Thinning
Then dissolving
Whisps
Of cloud

Revealing
The radiant
Truth
Of this
Moment

25/01/19

Being on retreat
It’s not all
Just peace
And bliss

It’s been long
Enough
I’ve sat by streams
Enough
Walked slowly
Contemplatively
Feeling my body
In time and space
Enough
Had refreshing dips
In beautiful
Swimming holes
Enough
I’ve bowed to
The lilies
To smell their
Exquisite perfume
Enough

Restless

Nowhere to go
Nothing to do

But going back
To being
Still
Coming to a true
Stop
Mind in body
Quiet

At rest

That’s all

09/01/19